Ghoul Action Anyone?
by AnthonyS
Summary: Charon finally gets his wish and hooks up with the Lone Wanderer, Betty. But will it be everything he hopes for? Not likely because let's face it, he's a Ghoul. A parody of sorts.


**Author's Side Note: So frankly I'm sick and tired of all these LW/Charon stories or Charon/Gob, Ghoul on Ghoul porn. So I decided to write a realistic one that actually would make sense. Strictly a one-shot, strictly a parody. Don't take offense.**

**__________________**

Ghoul Action Anyone?

Charon had traveled with Betty the Lone Wanderer for quite some time and had developed an attraction for her that left him confused and worrisome. He was a Ghoul, she was a human. But just because he was a Ghoul, did that mean he couldn't love on a bit of sweet smooth skin ass? He did after all _used _to be human. Charon decided to test the waters with his traveling mate one night as they laid under the stars a few miles outside Megaton.

Betty wasn't sure why Charon hadn't taken his eyes off her for the past hour. The quiet Ghoul mercenary very rarely looked her in the eye and now he wouldn't stop. Finally she rolled over and gave the slave a stern look.

"What?! You've been staring at me for like two hours Charon? What the hell is it?" Betty asked seriously. She wasn't usually mean to the Ghoul but dammit she hated being stared at.

"I'm just trying to figure out how a smooth skin could look so hot," Charon said in his normal raspy voice.

Betty was more than a little taken aback. Her jaw nearly hit the dirt and her eyes went wider than the moon overhead.

"What did you just say? You never talk and now you're talking dirty?" Betty asked completely perplexed.

"It's been a long time since I was last in Underworld. And you haven't been with anyone since Jericho. Why don't we just get right down to business?"

At first Betty's initial thought was to say no. But then for some unknown reason she actually felt strangely curious, almost like it was some strange fantasy people held and would write about it. What would it like to be with a Ghoul? So after a few moments of pondering Betty finally relented.

"Okay. Why not? Just don't go all feral on me halfway through."

Charon grinned a lipless smile, exposing his rotting teeth beneath. Betty actually could've sworn she saw a bug crawl across them and she did her best not to cringe. Charon moved forward and got on top of her, moving his mouth toward hers. He puckered up what was left of his mouth and placed it on hers. Betty did her best to return the strange kiss but she actually felt her mouth falling into his since his lips were not there to connect to hers. She found his mouth suddenly engulfing not only hers but her nose as well. Saliva dripped down and Betty smelled something horrible. Finally she had to push him off. She couldn't breathe.

Charon practically fell off her, a bewildered look on his face.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. Maybe we ought to just skip the kissing part," she said trying to hide her disgust. It certainly gave a whole new meaning to the phrase 'mouth eater'.

Charon shrugged his shoulders and began discarding his armor. Betty had never seen the Ghoul outside his armor so when he pulled it off she couldn't stop from yelling out in surprise. His abdomen actually had several pieces of skin gone and through a small hole she could see the contents of his stomach. She thought she spotted a half eaten apple, core and all, and a finger? Charon looked down, saw what she was looking, and covered it back up.

"I uh, I got stabbed," he said.

"With what, an axe?" Betty asked still trying to look into his stomach.

"Why don't we just skip to the sex part?" Charon offered. Betty nodded and the Ghoul dropped his pants to reveal a limp, scorched black member. Charon looked down, saw his equipment refusing to play ball, and cursed heavily. "God Dammit! This always happen. Why does God hate me so much? WHY?"

"Relax. I'll take care of it," Betty said moving over.

"With your mouth?" Charon asked hopefully.

Betty took another look at the charred remains of a human penis and nearly threw up at the idea.

"Hell no," she said without meaning to. "I mean, I'll just use my hand."

_God I wish I still had that rubber glove from my time with Jericho. Man he was a freak with that teddy bear of his._

Betty carefully placed her hand around the base of the Ghoul's manhood and squeezed, producing a shiver from Charon. She rubbed her hand up and down carefully, unsure of the whole situation. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, Betty thought to herself.

"Faster, harder," Charon ordered.

Betty shrugged her shoulders and began pumping him faster and a little harder. Then, something totally unexpected happened. She pulled his penis right off. It snapped off like a charred twig and remained in Betty's palm as she brought it up to her face.

_Holy shit!_

"What was that?" Charon asked seemingly totally unaware of what had happened.

"Oh, nothing," Betty said wondering if she had any wonder glue left over.

_Stupid, that would never work._

In a moment of stupidity Betty tried to just stick it back on but it fell onto the ground. She cursed softly and Charon started to realize something was up.

"Everything okay?"

"Not exactly. I gotta go," Betty said out of options. She tossed the penis back to its owner, grabbed her pack, and ran off into the dark. Charon fumbled with his pants, saw the strange looking object lying on the ground, and picked it up. His eyes widened when he realized what it was.

_Wait a second, where the hell did she get this?_

Charon sent a hand down his pants, felt the flat area where his equipment should've been, and panicked. He looked at the object in his hand again and again his eyes widened.

Across the wasteland everyone heard a horrible scream followed by a phrase that would remain engraved in everyone's memory for all time.

"That God damned vaultie ripped off my Johnson! DAMN YOU!"


End file.
